the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
