so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
