I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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