We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
