I'm jealous of your bromance
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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