I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
