Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
