I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
