I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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