the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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