Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We left an ass print on the piano.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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