Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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