i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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