He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
