And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
