He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
