Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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