the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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