if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
