I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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