I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
