i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
