My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
