Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
