i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
