I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
