So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
