Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
