how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
