I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
