i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
