I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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