you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
