I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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