so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
