Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
