could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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