Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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