you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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