you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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