been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
