i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
