i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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