believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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