the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
