he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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