i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Randomize
