ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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