1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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