My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i've created a new STD.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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