The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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