The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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